So my body has finally forced me to slow down and after being admitted into the hospital yesterday afternoon, I have been diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (big bad morning sickness). I am being cared for by the absolutely amazing staff at the Manchester Royal Infirmary and hopefully I will not be here for too much longer.

I have suffered horrendously with morning sickness and nausea through out this pregnancy and it has been debilitating at times. I feel like I have had to excuse myself from so many things over the past three months without really knowing why and then feeling awful for letting others down. I just thought it was normal and just kept going despite wanting to curl up in a ball. I guess I should have listened to my body sooner and then it would not have become so bad, knowing when to stop is not one of my strong points though.

Although it is not ideal, I am so happy that they have finally found out what is wrong and has been causing all the sickness, dizziness, migraines and general feeling of ‘rubbishness’.


Between the morning sickness, dizzy spells, migraines and absolute exhaustion this pregnancy has totally wiped me out. All this alongside looking after a toddler and working full time, I am starting to feel somewhat beaten.

We have just reached the 14 week mark and we have been for our first scan, which was amazing. Up until now, despite the horrific pregnancy symptoms I feel like I have not even had a moment to think about being pregnant at all, let alone plan for becoming a family of four. There are at times moments when I forget that I am even pregnant.

Last week I went back to pregnancy yoga, the teacher there promotes and teaches Active Birth, it helped me so much during Cass’s birth and I can not recommend it enough to anyone out there who is expecting. It also meant that I got to spend sometime thinking about our new baby and having a couple of hours to myself. It was bliss. It felt like the first time my mind and body had finally agreed that something new was about to begin. It really put everything, all the sickness, crappy weather and exhaustion into perspective.

Cass is becoming independent fast, he loves to lead the way and be the boss so there is not as much opportunity for wrapping as there used to be. Cass is big on exploring, but we have our moments and those snuggles are so special.

My baby boy is growing up. I do not wish for him to stay a baby and I am not sad to see him becoming more independent, I honestly thought I would be. I love to look at photos of when he was a tiny squish and my heart melts when I fold away his tiny little clothes that no longer fit him, but every day he does something new, it amazes me and makes me realise how lucky we are. It is fascinating to see him change and grow so much, he teaches me more about myself than anyone I know, every single day.

We are looking forward to what the future holds and I am feeling excited about our growing little family, even though I am absolutely knackered!

Keep Calm and Carry On

‘Keep Calm and Carry On,’ a slogan adapted from posters distributed by the British Government in 1939 during the build up to the Second World War. The poster was intended to raise the morale of the British public during a time of imminent air strikes.

I feel that the damage caused by this thoughtless slogan continued long after the war had ended, with the demobilisation of thousands of men returning to Blighty. What is often portrayed as a young couple sharing a loving embrace on the platform of a station, with the imminent return to marital bliss, is now known to be far from the truth of post war life for these families.

These young men suffered horrifically from the horrors of war. Post traumatic stress disorder, insomnia, guilt, fear, anxiety, panic, how did society expect a whole generation to go through such trauma and then return to life as they previously knew it? Were these families expected to ‘Keep Calm and Carry On?’ What support was available for these people?

This attitude of ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ has long resided within our society here in Great Britain. People are not encouraged to talk about their ‘feelings’ but to just get on with it and to toughen up. I think that this is even more so for boys

Fears and anxieties are trivialised by parents, teachers, employers, friends. With others making comparisons of our own emotions, ‘if you think you have it bad then you should think about…’ and ‘oh it could be worse.’ It is like our emotions and thoughts have been shut down before we have even begun.

Telling people that they are alright when actually, they know that they are not, is a direct attack on their own personal judgement of their situation. People think that they are helping when in fact they are doing the opposite, causing individuals to question themselves and push problems deeper.

Mental health is something that I spend a lot of time studying and researching, it is an extremely important aspect of my job and the work that I do to support young children and their families. My own mental health is something that I care passionately about and after having Cass my need to know as much as possible order to support him, grew.

On average, around 6,000 people take their own life by suicide in the UK every year. Around three quarters of all suicide attempts in 2016, were male. Mental illness is killing our family and friends, and it is terrifying.

So as my little boy is growing up I will encourage him to, STOP, talk to someone, work it through, get help, get answers, make a plan, don’t just fucking ‘Keep Calm and Carry On.’ We should all take time to listen and support each other, give our family, friends, partners, children, students time to speak to find someone that they can trust and someone that cares about what makes them scared, and really make a difference.

It is ok to not be ok.

When is the right time to announce a pregnancy?

When I was pregnant with Cass I was really nervous, after struggling with miscarriage we made the decision to tell people when we saw them, face to face. We did not put a date on it, we just thought it would be nice to share with people as we went along, after a few weeks it is pretty obvious what is going on anyway.

We announced that we were having a baby on social media when I was 8 months pregnant and people thought it was a joke, they could not believe we had waited so long to announce it. I think it was more down to the fact that 18 months ago I never really went on social media, but night feeds changed that.

There is definitely is no ‘right’ time to announce such a personal and amazing piece of news. It is so special to be able to have a couple of hours, days, weeks, months with the smallest amount of people knowing, but it is so amazing to be able to shout it from the roof tops too.

Baby #2 arriving July 2018

Making it work for you

I read an article last month about how women should adjust their lives after having children, how their work should incorporate their child. That women should be allowed the freedom to both work and be mothers at the same time, a sort of take your child to work kind of system to allow both mother and child to be together at all times.

The article then went on to say that it is society and the government that has created a terrible situation where mothers have to be at work all day and their children are left with strangers in childcare settings and nurseries. It discussed the damaging effects of such systems for both mother and child.

It discussed the role of the father and traditionally the father is seen as the one to work all day long and bring home the money. Then went on to say how this is also wrong, how the father for his own wellbeing should play a key role in family life and not be out working all day as this was detrimental to both himself and his family.

I can whole heartedly say that I agree with some of the points made by the author. However, the ideal that they seem to be portraying is so out of reach for some people.

The article meant well, it really did and maybe it was not written for people like me. Maybe the author had not taken the time to get to know their potential audience and had just published their writing with a specific type of person in mind, a person like themselves. However, the internet is a powerful thing and it did reach me, and probably lots of other people just like me and I found it to be damaging.

The way that Will and I parent is our style alone, it does not fit in with that of any particular group. We do what works best for us, we do not plan or make long term decisions, I learned a long time ago that my plans did not always materialise or work out, we go with the flow and take every day as it comes.

I suppose you might call it child led but then I have to go places and do things that might not necessarily fit in with this style. I have to go to work full time, I have no choice, if I don’t go to work we would have no home or food. It is my responsibility as a mother to work provide for my family. In an ideal world I would absolutely love to stay at home, I would want nothing more. People said to me that my ‘return to work would give me a break,’ firstly I do not think that these people fully understood what I do every day at work and secondly, I am really not that person. I do not want a break from Cass, I want nothing more than to be with him every day.

Will takes on most of the Cass care, I had the pleasure of a whole year of maternity leave and now Will and Cass get their time together. Will also has his own business, works all weekend and is in the final year of his masters. We are a busy family.

Cass goes to nursery for two days a week and in the beginning it was tough. It was out of necessity for many reasons but I cannot tell you how much of a positive effect nursery has had on Cass, he is confident and independent and it has only allowed him to grow even more.

We co-sleep, we have a gentle, child led parenting style, we both work full time, Cass goes to Nursery, I breast fed, we used formula too, Cass self weaned, we use a Sling, we use a pram, we have no family around us, we did traditional feeding, sometimes we use cloth nappies, most of the time we use disposables, some days I eat chocolate for breakfast, we eat meat, I gave birth in a hospital, I had no medication, I had post natal depression, Cass sometimes wears blue, he plays with prams, Cass sometimes wears pink, he plays with cars, we are fantastic parents raising a confident, independent, kind natured little boy. We are doing what we can in a society that requires us to have some form of financial income, however you may acquire it. We make decisions based on what we feel is the best way to support our entire family.

I am showing strength by doing all that I can in a system that does not allow me to necessarily do what I want. Placing unrealistic expectations on mothers is damaging and advertising one version of motherhood as the best version, or the version to aspire to is careless and blinkered.

Some parents choose to be stay at home parents, some parents choose to be work at home parents, some parents choose to go to work, but others do not have a choice either way. We are all different and this should be celebrated, women should be lifting each other up not tearing each other down.

So to the author of the article that I stumbled across last month. Open your eyes, go outside and learn to understand why others may choose to do things differently to you, and write about that.

A little bit of me

The past fourteen months have been absolutely wild. I am very lucky to have been able to spend so much time with my family and get used to being three, but after a year of maternity leave and six weeks of Summer, now is the time to return to work.

Returning to work at any point after having a baby is going to be tough. Some absolutely love the thought of getting back to work and the sense of self that it brings, whilst for others it is pretty traumatising. However you feel about it though, and what ever work you do, it is once again a huge change in our lives that no one really prepares us for.

If I am honest the thought of wearing an actual bra filled me with impending doom. Not to mention the fact that I might have to wash my hair and find some trousers that do not fit into the ‘lounge wear’ category. Most of all though I did not want to be apart from my baby, I was loving being a mum too much. I could not just ‘abandon’ him and return to work.

I found that my keep in touch days gave me a sense of freedom and a break almost, it was like I had a glimpse of me before Cass. The mum guilt definitely started creeping in after a few hours though, not to mention the extreme exhaustion after breast feeding a baby all night and attempting to access a very dusty section of my brain.

One minute I was at home, my time dedicated to keeping a tiny human alive and the next, I had all of these tiny human responsibilities, and work thrown in on top.

We decided to send Cass to nursery for three mornings a week and he absolutely hated it. It was soul destroying dropping him off crying only to be called an hour later to find that he was still crying. The nursery were amazing and kept trying different things to help him settle in.

Eventually they realised that he loved the toddler room and was content just watching the older children. They asked if they could move him early, the crying immediately stopped.

I am now four days into my full time return to work. I absolutely love my job and I have worked really hard to be where I am. I am blessed that I work with amazing and very supportive people. Yeah it’s hard and tiring, but like everything else this past fourteen months it is just another step. The past four days have been wonderful, Cass has been spending some amazing quality time with Daddy and loving nursery. As much as I said I would never feel this way, I am actually enjoying feeling a little bit more me.

Finding time to talk

I was talking to a friend last week about how we don’t find time to process difficult or even joyful emotions. How life just seems to sweep you by, things happen one moment and the next you have to just pick yourself up and keep moving. People around you probably think that you are strong and resilient for doing so, but how does this behaviour affect our mental health? Should our experiences and emotions not be confronted head on and processed over time? 

When I was pregnant I felt like I was in a little glowing bubble of joy. I was untouchable, nothing fazed me, I did not feel stressed or pressured. I just felt so happy knowing that I had this tiny human being growing inside of me. All of my anxieties and worries were gone, nothing could bring me down because all that mattered was our future as a family. 

I did not believe for a second that it was all going to be sweetness and light, of course it was going to be hard work. I had seen my sister bring up two children and she is a pro, I knew what was involved. It was that feeling of knowing that my baby was growing inside me, it blew my mind. It was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life.

After Cass was born my emotions were obviously all over the place, like any new parent. We were tired, a bit out of sorts, unsure of what was actually going on but I was still so happy. We had a beautiful baby boy.

When you are pregnant, especially for the first time there is a lot of focus on you as the mother, how you are feeling, how you are coping. Constantly being checked at the doctors, fighting for what kind of birth you want, making decisions. It is a lot to take on, stressful and overwhelming at times. A lot of focus is put on the pregnancy, no one really tells you what is coming. No one really prepares you for what happens after labour, all the focus is on what drugs you want when you are in labour, where you want to give birth and if your baby does not arrive in a specific time scale, what medical procedure will be thrown at you to make sure it does.

When Cass was around three months old I remember feeling very overwhelmed by everything. Due to Will’s work and not having any family close by, I was spending a lot of evenings alone and bedtimes were an absolute killer. Feeding all day and all night and trying to survive on a couple of hours sleep, it was too much. I felt totally isolated. I called the health visitor who came round and just talked, her support was amazing. She reassured me and it gave me the strength I needed to keep going. 

A few months ago I was returning to work, still getting zero sleep, really struggling with night feeds and the rest. I felt like a shell, but I just kept going. One day everything just crashed down around me, I couldn’t cope anymore. I had totally lost myself and shut down. Luckily for me I had some fantastic women around me, the support of my family to help me get back on track and an amazing doctor. 

Talking about what was happening and how I was feeling was not something that came easily, I had to swallow an absolute fuck-tonne of pride and face some mammoth demons. I realised at this moment I had to start taking better care of myself and making positive decisions about how I was going to look after my mental health.

Different people react in different ways to situations and mental health is very unique to each individual. For me, I do not take time, I rush through things and become engrossed in the next project or exciting life event and forget about how I am feeling at that exact moment. I am forever looking to the future and not taking time to enjoy ‘now.’ Sometimes I don’t want to enjoy ‘now,’ I want to forget about it, it is hardwork, crap, upsetting or stressful. 

In the past 14 months I have learned so much about my own mental health and emotions, I am working through, and confronting things that existed before Cass was born, which is a bit shit to be honest. I wish I would have just dealt with them at the time, but this is helping me learn and grow NOW so I do not make the same mistakes in the future. I am learning to deal with things and not bury them. I am taking time, albeit very small amounts of time to talk about how I feel, with friends and my husband. I am taking time to talk about both positive and negative emotions, learning from the good and the bad. I am being honest with myself and stepping out of my comfort zone. 

I cannot emphasise how much talking helps, find someone who will listen, anyone! A friend, family, the samaritans, your doctor no one should ever feel alone. Take strength from small achievements and always remember that you are enough. Fill your cup and take time, even if it’s just a minute to text a friend or hanging out at soft play with some other parents. Everyone has shit but we should never be alone.

Baby’s First Holiday 

I was going to write a really helpful post about taking your baby on a plane and it was going to be full of top tips on what to do and how to keep them entertained.

However, I do not feel that my most recent experience has given me the authority to offer any such advice so here is

‘Baby on a Plane – Winging it’ (see what I did)

✈️Number 1.<<<
ry and keep your little one awake on your journey through the airport so that they are tired and will sleep during the flight.

Reality- Ha! After a 4am wake up call he was some what wired by the time we boarded the plane. I can only compare the first 30 minutes to what it must be like to wrestle with a pissed off seal.

✈️Number 2

Create your baby, 'activity sacks' for the plane journey. Keep them engaged by showing them something new every 30 mins.ality – Empty the contents of your handbag on to your sleeping husband's knee and let the fun commence.

Contents of Handbag…

Two tampons

One broken selfie stick

A small toothbrush

Car keys

A spoon

One cheese poof

✈️Number 3

Fill your iPhone with your little one's top YouTube videos and cartoons<br


Totally forget to do this. So, pay £5 for some crappy aeroplane head phones. Prevent them from smashing the shit out of the small screen in the back of the chair in front, with the aforementioned broken selfie stick.

✈️Number 4

Pack lots of interesting and well thought out snacks for them to enjoy when they become hungry and restless.


Buy fruit pouches from the 24hour garage on the way to the airport at 5am.

✈️Number 5

Make small bags of useful and jovial gifts for your surrounding fellow passengers to ease their pain should your little one become upset. The fact that this is so adorable should win them over regardless.


Pray to God that you are surrounded by absolute nutters who will be making so much noise, that they do not even notice the barbaric screams coming from your teething, wired, wildling spawn.

✈️Number 6

Go on holiday with Granny and Grandpa


Thanks Mum and Dad ❤️

ou Summer adventures everyone! ☀️

The Breast-Laid Plans

I absolutely love a plan. It does not necessarily have to be my plan, I am happy to go along with anyone’s plan really, I’m not a control freak I just like to know what’s going on. 

Cass is not into my plans and he makes this known. The uncertainty of parenthood is something that I’m still trying to get my head around, I just don’t know what’s coming next and I found this so hard in the beginning.

My birth plan had some, let’s say, last minute adjustments, as did our sleeping arrangements and my plans for introducing food didn’t go too well either. One thing I thought I was sure of though was breast feeding. 

I found breast feeding tough. Initially, it was the pain. I was in so much pain I ended up exclusively pumping at three weeks. At five weeks though the pain eased and we got into the swing of things. It has been an absolute roller coaster of emotions and at times so tough. I thought I knew what I was doing but again, it was in no way like I imagined. I was very lucky I received a lot of support from the midwives at the Salford Birth Centre and at a local feeding group. Not many women have this, no matter how they choose to feed their child.

I had planned to feed Cass until he was two. I thought that this was a done deal, babies love milk and I thought it would be me who may eventually crack and have to change the plan. A couple of weeks before Cass turned one he started to lose interest when being fed, he was easily distracted and began to push me away. I initially thought it may have been his teeth coming through or the heat, but as the days went on I noticed he wasn’t really taking any milk apart from first thing in the morning, when he was really hungry.

Shortly after Cass’s 1st birthday I made the decision to stop feeding him breast milk. At the time I thought ‘Cass is ready, I am ready.’ I had given it 100% for a year. I thought I’d be celebrating. I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be, it was really tough. My hormones were all over the place, my supply went into over drive I ended up getting mastitis pretty badly. It was so painful and the only advice I could find was to feed or pump through it. 
I couldn’t feed Cass, I didn’t want to confuse him by making him take the milk just to ease my discomfort. Every time I pumped I could feel my milk come in and it was making it worse. I ended up on a course of antibiotics and tried to hand pump a small amount every couple of hours and eventually it died down. 

Cass on the other hand was totally ready. I had prepared myself for screaming and crying at bedtime and tantrums through out the day. I thought he would struggle and we would just go back to feeding. But no, he’s not even asked. I thought co-sleeping would definitely cause us problems too, but if anything he’s actually sleeping (a bit) better. At last. 

I do feel that stopping breast feeding so abruptly has a huge affect on your mental heath. My hormones were all over the place and I genuinely struggled. I think more women should be made aware if this. Mothers who choose not to breast feed at any point after labour must be going through these emotions, this on top of everything else is really tough and no one makes new mothers aware of it. 

I try to not worry about the planning anymore. I’m just getting through one day at a time and enjoying every moment. I’ll waste my life away planning for things that may never come, it feels so liberating to just let go.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends 

The people we know and meet make us who we are. I have many close friends from my past who know me better than I know myself, but new adventures and life events bring along new friendships. 

The beginning of motherhood can often be seen as quite a lonely time. Even when I went to baby groups and sessions I sometimes found that all I was doing was sitting in a corner staring at Cass and hoping that I’d meet someone who enjoyed my taste in music, fashion or sense of humour. Sometimes though it’s tough to break free of the ‘mum’ label and identify with those around us, especially in the early days. 

As life brings new experiences it also changes you. That doesn’t mean that I have had to forget who I was, I just like to think it adds to who I am. Part of me is happy that I am a little bit ‘Old Lucy’ and a little bit ‘Mum Lucy’. After 12 months I am happy to be wearing some of my pre-pregnancy clothes (really fucking happy) but I am also ok with the fact that I still wear my size 18 maternity knickers. They’re bloody comfy. 

My friends from before I had Cass are amazing and I love them, they form an important part of me, but life is ever changing and it’s important to make time for new people and friends too. I feel that as a woman and as a human I am constantly learning and evolving, I have learned so much from the fantastic people that I have had around me over the past 12 months.

Baby wearing not only gave me a wonderful way to bond and care for Cass, it also gave me an amazing, strong, fierce group of ‘mum’ friends. These wise women have helped and supported me more than they could ever know. 

This afternoon Jess from SUPU invited Cass and I to take part in a photo shoot with a group of our pals! It was an amazing experience and an absolute honour to be part of. Thanks so much Jess, we love you, can’t wait to see the photos. 

Here are a few sneaky snaps of my own ❤️